Understanding the main horoscope element that runs through a family can help us make sense of some relationship dynamics that may have never made sense, previously. One of the four elements, Fire, Water, Earth, and Air, describes the relating style prevalent in a particular family; members who do not share the dominant family element may feel slightly out of step, may be ‘left out’ or distrusted at critical times, may be scapegoated, may ‘run away,’ and/ or may, ultimately, be rejected. The same can be true when the separations within a family are generational, with different age groups united by a shared dominant element and banding together, distrusting or scapegoating those of an older or younger generation with a different elemental emphasis. Fathoming why a family member or generation doesn’t mesh with the ‘tribe’ can open a way to acceptance–when we know that the dog bites out of fear, for instance, rather than anger, then we can act to alleviate the fear, rather than reacting as if the dog is our enemy; a similar approach can be applied to understanding behaviors and viewpoints that might at first seem puzzling, even hostile, whether they apply to a single individual or a whole generation–as well, understanding variation within the family better can expand our own ability to accept others uncritically, or at the very least, will allow us to get a better grasp of another’s approach to life.
You may recognize the main dynamic in your own family just from the descriptions that follow; this applies in families where the multi-generational emphasis remains the same. In these families those who don’t mirror the core emphasis usually drift away; they will often go in search of their ‘real’ family, which is invariably a group that mirrors their major element. Sometimes they will marry into a family with the same elemental emphasis, and become a primary member of this ‘adopted’ family. In any case, the family generally presents a united front with a consistent set of values and accepted behaviors.
There are some families that show different predominant elements in each different generation of the family; this emphasizes the ‘generation gap.’ When the generations are outlined they are distinctly ‘layered,’ with each generation having its own major emphasis. This structure often features conflict across generations, and will frequently see members of the same age group banding together in various ways. Here the separations are distinct by age group, with marked differences in values and accepted behaviors in the various ‘layers.’
When Fire predominates, action is admired. The body in motion is idealized; these are the people who extol the virtues of athletics, who travel together, who elevate adventure to an art form. They often have family myths revolving around a member who did something wonderfully exciting–a polar explorer, a famous triathlete, a seafarer who traveled the globe. These people are held up as the example of how to live, and members are often trying to outdo this famous ancestor. This kind of family can be especially hard on members predominant in Air–they may appear to this family as too concerned with ideas, and stigmatized as ‘nerdy,’ or on those heavy with Water, who may be chastised as ‘crybabies’ or painted as too afraid to follow in the family behavioral footsteps.
Water bases all in the sharing of feeling. For this family, shared emotional experience is the important element in everything; material factors, physical accomplishment, and intellectual perspectives pale in the face of ‘how it felt.’ Their family myths center on the events that carry huge emotional impact: weddings, deaths, births, and times when major ‘discoveries’ are made or unusual events experienced at a personal level, such as the uncovering of an infidelity or meeting a movie star. This kind of family can be tough on Air, as they see them as ‘cold,’ and they may characterize Earth members as too material.
Air families love to talk; everything is an idea to be related, chewed over, and debated. Outstanding members are both intelligent and witty. The well-thought-out is celebrated, and their heroes are high achievers in the realms of the intellectual. This is the family that is proud of the writer, the professor, the member with a double Phd, or the one who ‘used his or her head’ in an emergency or tight spot. They are hard on Water types, believing they’re too emotional and reactive, and Fire types are denigrated as impulsive risk-takers.
The Earth family is proud of what it has accumulated. Hard work is their god, and family legends are often ‘rags to riches’ stories. These are the families who put special emphasis on business success and show great pride in the appearances of family members and of property. They provide members with a solid base from which to venture out into society; members who value adventure over tangibles, such as Fire individuals, are seen as foolish, and Air members may be valued based on the ability to affect the enviroment (i.e., do his or her ideas make money, or have a practical application?)
Now let’s look at the very common experience of a ‘minor’ theme running through the predominant one, which can account for particular personality discords unique to family elemental combinations.
The family in which I grew up is a good example. My great-grandparents had nine children, all of whom lived within twenty miles of each other and raised families of their own. Gatherings were frequent, loud, and large with this Air predominant group. Relating was the order of the day, the ability to spin an amusing story from the day’s events was applauded, and participation was not just encouraged, but expected. Within the family there was a minor but distinct ‘undercurrent’ (no pun intended!) of the Water element. These people all had Air adequate to ‘keep up’ with the fast-paced give-and-take; the problems usually arose when one or more Water-types insisted on turning the topic to something distinctly emotional. From my perspective now, I can see that these were attempts on the parts of these individuals to honor their own priorities; difficulties came in that, being Water types, they expected everyone to embrace the emotional display, which was often intense, as should be expected; Water types ‘compete’ and show their values through emotional depth and by ‘feeling the most.’ These disparities made for some hurt feelings and a few ‘blow-ups.’ I was lucky in that I am predominantly Air, so I fit in; my Pisces Moon, however, allowed me to empathize with those who could not understand why so many family members were ‘cold’ or who appeared, to the Watery types, unfeeling.
Another family with which I’m well-acquainted is Earth-oriented; at least, they were until the 4th generation for which I have data, when a sudden strain of Fire emerged. This was not visible in every 4th generation member, only in a few, who quietly tried to express their preferences for travel, adventure, and ‘new horizons’ to a group that labeled them as misguided (for the members who suppressed their desires and conformed to family values) or delinquent (for the lone member who followed his own promptings and eventually broke from the family).
One thing we should remember is that acceptance of variation within the family group is essential to harmony and continued contact. There seems to me to be no quicker way to cause deep and sometimes permanent rifts among family members than for some to band together and dishonor the basic energy orientations of other members. Rather than pressuring each other in attempts to achieve ‘tribal conformity,’ perhaps we should celebrate the strength that comes with inclusion of diverse assets, and diverse points of view.
This is a combined re-print of two articles that originally appeared on my Yahoo360 blog.
